sometimes. all it takes is a really good hug.
a strong one, to empower strength.
to let them know that you're there and will always be.
to know that we're gna be together as one.
a hug to believe. to show genuine comfort.
to be a place of refuge, of just...
love i guess?


i really miss you.
i miss doing everything with you.
i miss know what's going on in your life every second.
i miss being someone that cracks you up all the time.
i miss when you laugh when i do things and tell me if it's weird/wrong but still laugh.

your look hurt me.
it made me remember alot of things you told me.
you wouldnt know. or you wouldnt even remember.
but it still hurts.
made me think about the 'what if's.

i am insecure
im afraid the laughter and jokes wouldnt last.
im afraid that under the poking fun at each other,
there's nothing much to hold on to anymore.
which is why i'm so afraid now.
that i'd do more things to make you upset.
and once this layer is uncovered, you'll leave.
Cos it's nothing anymore.

i am selfish too.
because i want to be the best girlfriend you'll ever want to know.
that's why it sucks when i know i did annoying things to frustrate you.
like crying and being stubborn, being irresponsible i guess.

i didnt mean anything upsetting on purpose.
you had good intentions, but i guess i just hated the response back.
it just made me feel crushed, crumpled and hopeless.

for awhile.

and then i pick myself up and force myself to work harder.
and then i remember the awesome times we shared
and how i used to laugh all the time, crying never came into the picture.
how i never ever ever felt jealous cos i was with you all the time.
and i knew the people you knew.

how every thought in my head was your smile and your walk.
your smell. your sleepy eyes and how you showered me w your love..
and then i promise myself to not do stupid things again.
but i'm also scared that, you're not thinking of these..
but of something else.

i guess i learnt alot from you.
even though it was hard for me to take your reactions.
but you're always on my mind.
no matter what i do, when i'm enjoying myself, when i'm really sad
when i'm angry, when i'm out, before i sleep and right when i wake up.
even in my dreams, you're all i think about.

you're all i see and i just want us to permanently have fun.
i cannot control my tears, because my thoughts are all over the place
Each one sadder than the next.
but you dont know all my thoughts cos it's too fast and too many irrelevant ones too.

i want to spend every waking moment of the day with you.
and i want to spend it happily. fun.
want to create memories with you.
experience all the new things with you..
travel and go everywhere with you.

and i'm just scared that every setback or upsetting moment ruins it all.
yea it was my fault, many times. and i'm sorry.
the more faults i created the heavier it gets for me to bear.
which is why i cry easier everytime.

sometimes, i wonder why.
even with so many faults, you still stick to me
and i'm really thankful for that.
at the same time, scared that you'll leave..
so i try to not do the same wrong things
and end up doing a different wrong thing.

i just, hope you can continue to be a little more tolerant with me.
a little bit more understanding than you already are.
i know you've been a great great, awesome excellent boyfriend,
and i really cannot ask for more.
i want to be a great great awesome excellent girlfriend toooo! :(
i guess, i just need more time.
i hate it when you get upset/annoyed/frustrated, i really do.
and your eyes, they show everything...
and i cannot bear it.
but i'm going to be a good girlfriend claire (:
i'm gna learn and be a better person too.
i know you care, so i'm gna appreciate it and show it.

i love you i really do..
i'm afraid one day, you won't anymore, because of me.

RAINED @ 11:33 PM