but you know what? it will never happen.
because you seem to always get angry at me.
and i have to be the one to say sorry.
and do a million nice things back.
if i dont say sorry, you will say 'forget it' and talk about something else.
then i will have to 'forget it' when obviously i haven't.
am i really such a horrible person?
to make you so angry so many times?
i try to make things better.
i dont do alot of things, i involve you.
but you tell me not to involve you tyvm.
hi, we're a couple, we're supposed to be involved in things from each other.
nvm, then i try to make it better by suggesting after-things.
so that at least i can see you.
so that you wont feel weird/uncomfortable which i know you will.
but you say no. okay then everything has to magically be okay.
and i didnt do anything wrong but i felt like i was being doubted, and misjudged later on.
most of the time, its always me doing all the niceties.
me doing the apologies (maybe because it's always my fault?)
you doing the 'forget it' thing.
i know you're being really really nice to me and hold back alot of angry things,
trying to forget the whole matter because you dont want to make it even more of a fuss
but if we continue to forget it, won't it accumulate?
i wish i can make you happy all the time.
i wish that whenever im sad, you will wrap your arms around me
and let me cry everything out.
and stroke my hair and say everything's okay already.
but i know if i cry in front of you,
you'll just 'tsk' and show a face, and get frustrated at me crying.
then i get scared because i dont want you to think i'm a cry baby.
and i get really really hurt when your face shows a certain annoyance when you see me cry.
i try not to make you angry because im scared you'll want to run away frm me.
or you will feel 'frustrated' and want to leave.
i don't know.
where is the guy who wrote a sweet letter to me when i left for m'sia last year?
where is the guy who said sorry even though one time, it wasn't your fault.
the guy who made me laugh and forget our mini quarrels in the beginning.
i bet you forgot all these,
but thanks for being really nice to me all the time tho!! (:
but sometimes during issues like these are what i needed you the most.
you to be.. someone that wouldn't make me sad.
it's probably like a big thing for you
but i'm tryingggggggggggggg!
maybe i shouldnt try.
then i wouldnt be sad at you being angry.
then i wouldnt cry because i'm scared of your frustration.
then i wouldnt want you to come cuddle and hug me because im not crying.
then everything, would be okay because you'd just be angry, then your 'forget it',
then i have to compromise then it'll be okay.
but i wouldn't be okay.
im not sure what your reaction would be after reading this
cos i know you're a great, awesome, wonderful boyfriend(:
and i know you do alot of things typical guys dont do.
but, what about.. the things that we need?
how about talking about it. and at least settling it..
how about we quit being angry at each other next time.
because i honestly dont like us being like this.
or is it me?
am i the bad evil girlfriend?
i dont know, but all i wish right now is to make you happy all the time,
thats all.
but i'm failing.
):
