hi. it's me.
not you.

i honestly think i'm getting upset at things that i create.
like my thoughts for example.
and my actions.

how come i cannot resist talking to you,
thinking of you and revolving my life around you,
when it seems so easy for you to forget and let your mind wander off elsewhere for like, eons.
then come back.

WHY!!
I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHY MY BRAIN FUNCTIONS SO DIFFERENTLY.

because, you really have no idea.
i mean, NO idea.

but then again i cannot blame you because it's indirectly my fault.
because i think of you and nothing else too much.
but is it wrong? is it really selfish?
to want someone for myself?
or at least HALF of that someone's time.
and attention.
affection.
daily reminders.
eagerness.
reassurance.

then, i am afraid.
because you might just disappear.
because you could be annoyed at my misunderstanding.
or my clingy-ness and desperation.

so i say No.
dont come. dont do. dont be. dont this.
because i'm scared of being let down.
and i really dont like it.

Oh god claire please be stronger than this.
i really kinda hate myself for being so weak sometimes.
i know i'm made of stronger stuff.
so WHY am i so in need of things like these?

a million questions and all not answered.
emotions and love are a shitfest but who can resist them.

RAINED @ 10:33 PM