sometimes i wish there really is a portal.
a black hole i can just slide through and disappear for a moment.

you know, crying doesnt have to mean i'm sad, or angry, or upset.
it could be a way for me to let out everything without talking.

you know that overwelming feeling?
where you said things you felt strongly about,
but then others kinda feel differently about it?
then they start to dismiss it and really show their annoyance

then you just want to draw back in fear and take back everything you said.
because you kinda feel a little hurt but scared at the same time
so you dont want to offend anymore and just forget everything
hoping they will go back to their normal self before you accidentally pushed them too far.

yea its just too much for me to say.
because it always a different situation.
and i just need a cry for a few seconds.

thats all. because,
it can make me feel completely better without saying a word, or help from anyone.

i know it can be irritating to you.
i kinda hate myself for crying (tearing ?) too.

i havent cried in the past few years fyi. (exclude jc life)
its embarassing, and it draws too much attention.

but im sorry i guess my body isnt working.
so its okay, but,

a little understanding,
without 'tsk's or 'rolled eye's
would be nice..
also a little re-assurance.
but i'll be fine even without it i guess?

RAINED @ 12:16 AM